Reflections

A photograph and a mirror ... both provide a reflection of self. Yet somehow as of late, I feel like they portray two completely different views ... Just as the world and the Word of God/Holy Spirit can reveal two vastly contrasting depictions of ourselves.

Another form of self-reflection? Comparison ... But when used to measure personal worth, this is dangerous and often reveals a deeper truth than what one would immediately see.

Case in point ...

There are those with a wealth of knowledge and talents that when I measure myself against their gifts make me feel inferior. But what deeper truth was revealed to me? There are those who are willing to teach and share from their experiences and those who hoard them ... sadly, I've discovered I am the latter. Why? As painful as it is to see, I realize as I allow the Holy Spirit to show me my reflection, that it is out of (an unwanted) insecurity. (And He has been helping me to walk out of that identity, step by step.)

Today as I was driving home reflecting on an inspiring conversation I had with a talented artist (grateful for all that she showed me to encourage me to explore what may be hidden deep within -undiscovered) I wondered why I was not more open like her? It was then the Holy Spirit revealed to me that truth as I recalled how about a year or so ago I was rudely awakened to the fact that I had placed all of my value in my perceived "gifts". 
Someone who struggles with insecurity automatically feels devalued the moment someone comes along who can do things "better" or has a broader range of abilities. And then there are those who are inspired by those same gifted people, to themselves, dive deeper and expand their own borders. 

A year or so ago, I felt disabled the moment the "tools" I use for my craft were inaccessible.  
When those tools were gone, I felt ... LOST! Even worse, worthless. What good was I if I couldn't keep creating?! 
📷Leanne Turner
A friend shared a great revelation with me in that time that made me realize I had become self-sufficient instead of relying on God's provision. Though that time was discomforting, I am thankful for what it revealed.

It reminded me that my value comes from my heavenly Father and not in what I can or can't do. This season has also been one where I am learning (and still reminding myself) that God has given me the appropriate measure. I am not lacking as I am often tempted to perceive, I just need to water the seed so it can grow and be faithful to prune and weed that which would try to take root to destroy it.
A light bulb went off for me when this artist shared the lack of the inhibitions of a child when they are exploring art; how they are free to paint a face purple and a hand green until someone tells them they can't do that. Why as adults do we loose that freedom? Become scared? Feel like there is a "measure" we must meet before what we have is acceptable or our offering is enough? The world's standard of measuring is always changing, but our God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His ways and thoughts are higher (Isaiah 55:9). He created us and He calls us very good! (Genesis 1:31)
So my prayer is this, that the only reflection of myself I will allow is what the Holy Spirit shows me. That I may look more like Him who is perfect in all His ways and full of love, compassion, mercy, grace and gentleness. 

Sometimes those seasons of pruning can be very painful, but that cutting away is very necessary for us to bear more of the image of God, to bear more fruit so that we might walk in the fullness of all He has created us to be - without lack!

So in that spirit, I share this song from Bethel Church which has been a blessing to me!


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